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View Profile RedeyestheSecound
Im not happy unless I make other happy.. thanks for your time! :D

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its getting harder and harder

Posted by RedeyestheSecound - June 7th, 2018


man so today i went off at my roommate guys and girls you must know i have a really fucked up life i dont aspect any one to feel bad for me thats the last thing i want .. honestly well it started two months ago when my mom and my best friend put words in my mouth saying that i asked if he could live here.. i never did though i only invited him to sleep over for two days i just thought he wanted to sleep over if i ever knew he was gonna talk my mom into letting him live here i would of never even invited him over soo my mom put words in my mouth saying it was my idea.. i asked if it can sleep over not stay and live with us.. soo the reason she did that was cause she knew i was gonna tell my dad saying its not fair and i think he should kick him out cause i dont have that much trust in the guy!!! so instead of doing that for my mom i gave in and turned into a bitch boy.. then it forced me by telling my mom i should sign up to unemployment office for shitty jobs well after that i blew up and now i am going to thearpy for THE FIRST TIME!!!  and yeah so every time i yell at this roomate for leaving messes me and my aunt has to clean up he comes in drunk after a weekend of drinking .. and he even puked on a air matress my dad bought for him ... he fucks up way too much well if i ever try giving him tough love my mom has to call me names he runied my relationship with my parents today my mom called me the devil ... :( it hurt alot it pissed me off alot cause i never called her names or yelled at her even out of nowhere she goes "you and your dad act like the devil" ... no i dont my motto is "im not happy unless others are happy" i might be yelling at my roommate or about my roomate to others but thats because i knew this guy seance 1st grade im 22 years old right now thats a long time to know some one he does alot of coke and drinks alot hes basiclly killing him self im giving him tough love to show him its not okay please tell me im not the devil i really need to hear that .. soon idk i ahve welts all over my abs and back due to being so pissed off idk what else to do cause with out the pain i will cause others pain please help me god :(


Comments (4)

Jeez man, you're not the devil. Why would you think that? It seems like quite a conundrum you've got yourself in with this roommate guy. Sounds a bit jerkish. Also, I might disagree with that motto of yours a bit, but it is nice that you wanna help people.

i agree it is a bad motto it will cause alot of stress but the things i been through i believe there is no limit i can be pushed to with out coming back i will never take the easy way out

i don't think your the devil. i can understand why you would give him tough love. like you said he is taking a huge risk with his life and your his friend who i assume cares alot about him. mabey you could explain to your mom or friend what is going on and how you feel about this and that you never wanted this to happen. try to talk it out with them and mabey even the therapist can help out. anyway i hope you feel better soon and that your not in this problem anymore. (also saw you didn't like that i talked so much what bothered me a bit because you didn't tell me directly. i would have apologized and not do it anymore but if it bothers you i'm sorry i just tried helping out)

HAHa no your long response from before and now was really helpful its just the past 3 months being called possessed ,demon,THE DEVIL its really hard to be nice after all that and trust me I did snitch on him i told my parents straight up maybe not in a talk more in aa argument i said "i dont wanna see my friend kill him self like my uncle is doing currently and my friend from 3 years ago drank him self to death cause his wife did first a year prior I really dont understand why I have to be the one to witness this happens to my loved ones i guess im just sick of it all even life cause how can i trust any more after seeing people kill them selfs using alcohol and not being able to help idk man all i can say is this *picks up my half bottle of jack denials i got 3 days ago* make some room!!! haha or like a wise old man said from the trailer park boys "when theres a shit storm coming at you and you cant get out all you have to do is down it with brown!!! " woo i believe it tooo it feels great to be drunk i get to worry less any ways my friend threw out my clothes from the washer and dryer to take care of his own so now i got two baskets of clothes i was working on and half of them are soaked well now hes getting kicked out of my home i cant let him ruin my relationship with my mom any longer honestly though dont feel bad for me dont take my words to heart like you did about the long last post hell look at this reply shitty grammar and its along one at least with yours you care alot well enough to put good grammar in it i dont even have the will to do that any more (to be honest i did not think you would care enough to see that response to your first helpful tip D but really im being pushed really far out there so im not all sane ok im gonna be a dick im gonna be troublesome and i know that honestly i dont think i deserve any replys and seeing you guys reply to me still even after that what i did "reviewing" your help to me i dont think i deserve good people to watch out for me i feel like i just wanna let my soul burn in hell ) but im not a sinner i just wanna pay or get back together with those who drank them selfs to death you know .. it might be hard to hear but atleast im honest with you i think no matter how far im pushed ill be honest cause thats all i really got it feels like i have 1 friend i can hang out with when i used to be mr popular in school and every one showed me they loved me alot and they loved to be around me .. but now there all gone and all i got is my dealer

@NyanaCreation @RedeyestheSecound i'm glad your atleast honest about the situation. i can see how all this can effect you but i don't think you have to be unkind. not that i think you are but you put that in there. i am already glad you are putting your feelings out there so you can blow off some steam atleast. for me i don't do that at all. what for me isn't good and i know that so that's atleast good. i believe you can get trough it. believe me. it sucks that people drink themself to death but mabey you can try a different technique as well with situations to make them stop or consider. also about the popularity, that means nothing. atleast not to me, they let you think they love you but i have seen the behind the scenes, or the populair kids talk shit about others or they do about you. just now people showed if they really cared or not. but i am sure you can get trough this, even if you got less love then in school. just believe in yourself and options. (and about my long post. i was talking about that one not this one or the second one but because it was so annoying i try to fit in as less words as possiblle so i can't help more) anyway i wish you the best of luck.

welp your right i wish it came sooner than later.. and i got my wish im a horrible person..Maybe i do have evil inside me .. cause .. he left without me knowing ..:( now i wish i could of said goodbye that was my best friend from 2nd grade and i showed him a monster ... dammit..please dont waste your help on the wicked you know not too and im warning you your putting to much effort into me! I am the beast that will protect him self cause he.. no.. Honestly i feel like my soul is trapped in hell and i blame them for it my mother and jesus the damage they did to my mind at the time i was caged in my mind for 3 years prior relaxing in auto pilot mode then they pushed me in a void of darkness... its gonna be hard to get out of there too first step i gotta get far away then .. idk no i was def not that type of popular i mean i was hero like almost god if i had more courage ! like i used 2 years of my gym time to take care of the special needed gym class and there was 7 advisors me being the 7th and youngest to ever help ! i had to stop 2 advisors at lunch time for making this kid piss on his own gym shorts they were laughing at him and pointing and i said cmon bud i helped him try to ignore them walking him in one of the stalls and i shut the door then i walked at the two boy and girl laughing and video cameraing flicking them off making me first see how crule humans can be and started my path on not wanting to be one my self then i created my own relgion to help people like my self cause i know how hard it is when your the one that seems to have the only power to fix things with goodness.. im really not evilmy aunt ounce said she would rather have 100 of me than just one of my cousin haha sorry that is off topic kinda ughh im not kidding your wasting your time on trying to help me "there is no help for the wicked, Moneys dont grow on trees, i got bills to pay.." i love that song cause of boder lands 1

@NyanaCreation @RedeyestheSecound @RedeyestheSecound honestly i don't think your wicked or even bad. you see yourself in such a bad light that you think your wicked and your not. look how your reacting to me. it's honest, open and there is still a peace who cares about others. you just cover it up with the words ''i'm wicked'' what is not true. i don't think i am wasting my time, so if i can help you feel better than i will try that.

that little kid that you where in school is still in there. it is just hiding. if you set your mind to it you can still do it. for me four years ago i thought i was cursed. everything that was bad happend to me and i am still not done with the terrible things that get thrown at me. instead of sitting down i started to help out people. i still think if there is a hell i will go and burn but that is besides the point. i was bullied for 6 to 7 years and i almost took my life 3 times. because there was nobody like you in the school. you need to be proud of that like you are now and try to do it again. because would that little kid really be wicked? i don't think anoyone is truely wicked. it's just what they do with there feelings that determens if people think they are a good person or not. and about your friend. it is heart breaking i know, i lost friends to. but i never had to send them away like that. but i hope he understands that this is not the way to a better life. you can still find him and talk with him about what this does to you and how it effects him.

your not wicked sometimes people make the wrong choices and when people learn from them and make a lesson out of it. they can better themselfs. try to find solutions. try to find him and tell how this has been effecting you. tell your mom why you did it (without an argument. if it happends people close there mind and they create a wall you need to break through and that is mostly impossible to do) anyway i have talked to much again. atleast i hope this ceered you up a bit more. and i never waste my time with this. i spend my time on people who are worth a responds and you are.

the drinking and drugs was not only thing my roommate screwed up on... what pisses me off most I have these three little cousins 2 girls ad 1 boyboy is like 6 one girl is 8 and the other girl is 12 .. well i have a mini pool table and i was teaching how the 12 year old can win and the way i taught her was by directing just the tip of the pool stick and showing her how she should hold the poolstick with her other hand with her fingers when i looked up i saw my room mate teaching that 8 year old girl bY HUGGING HER LIKE how you would flirt by cuddling up behind some one i shot him a look like "get the fuck off her !" they been through alot from teachers and there father sadly so the next day hes pinching and grabbing o his self as if he had crabs or something just itching away with the kids sitting right next to us i had them go up stairs cause i was leaving the basement right after that ... if i do find him i will ask him on CAMERA to fight me now his speed is what can stop me but im sure if i use vital points to atk him i can slow him down maybe even forever i think he should have his knees broken seance hes so good at speed the perv im just trying to not accept the fact i had to save my favorite little cousins there cool kids from all three of them have small personalities of me like if i see them being morphed together some how if they can get along which i have one of them getting along really good with her sis i believe cause i taught her poker games and ways to deal with stress and i showed her i dont let people fight in the basement even if its my mom ad cousin fresh out of prison ughhh my parents dont GIVE A FUCK WHO STAYS WITH US BUT I DO I PROTECT THEM AND NOW i cant help them any longer there is no reason I dont wanna be the hero every day i wana make art and cartoon ad videos !! but.. i cant with all this stress i used to record a video a day but after taking zoloft and oddly freezing every day like on hot days i would wear sweaters pjs and sweat pants and it felt ok all though it was super hot inside people thought it was weird but i was shaking with out that extra clothes and the zoloft took away my dedication for recording im still trying to get back to recording a video a day but idk if i can !!! its been 3 months man zoloft fucked me my friend from a long time ago used me , my parents destroy my mind.. there is no helping me i mean im a broken hero i can still save some people but i will let the ones suffer who deserve it and yes my mom is one of them for bringing upon the zoloft, the roommate, and name calling I will accept hell if the rule "honor thy mother and father" is real cause i cant!!! CANT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THEM!!growing up i never hugged or kissed my dad cause i said "guys dont do that " i regreat it cause he would then treat other kids better than me most the time the other kids got to play and see my dad smile .. :/ i guess i deserve it even today i have not gave him a hug and im 22 i mean i gave him like 4 hugs in all...but after seeing him play so much with other kids and never giving me that chance it hurt it made me stronger but it really hurt i envy those other kids